Wingstop: Original Hot [QUARANTINE EDITION]

Non-Ranking Info:

• Price/Wing: $0.95/wing at 10 wings
• Drum/Flat Ratio: 1:1
• Heat Level: Double-Bogey
• Flavor Type: Hot
• Dry Rub or Sauce: Sauce
• Side of River: North Side
• Neighborhood: Wicker Park

Since it’s quarantine and no one can go to actual wing joints right now – I want to start with something basic that’s probably going to be just as shitty whether or not I get it delievered or dining in.

With that: let’s begin the review of Wingstop’s Original Hot wings:

Let us step back for one second and take note of the fact that this shanty of a wings joint currently trades on the NASDAQ. Yes you read that right. Currently this stock is trading for $121/share. That alone should give you the TLDR; but I’ve got more so please read on.

I will tell you right now that anyone who is bought in on this is a total sucker. I am clearing out positions as we speak to free up cash to lock in some fat OTM Wingstop puts expiring in 2022 . Wingstrop trades under the ticker: $WING no less. Just….disgraceful.

Plain and simple, Wingstop dropped the ball. Truly an underwhelming performance by the Original Hot wings. Wingstop deserves have their $WING ticker stripped by committee and sold off to the highest bidder that has even one iota of pride mixed into their special sauce. Because I can assure you, Wingstop does not.

Is this place secretly being run by Gus Fring as a coverup for a large-scale fentanyl operation? Am I in the Matrix? Is Wingstop in cahoots with Mattress Firm???? Just so many questions. And I just don’t get it.

Honestly that’s a harsh shot at Gus – his chicken business performed well on its own merits as I recall. I apologize.

But in all seriousness, typically when I scout out which wings to order from a place that has several options, the first thing I look for is the standard. Call me old-fashioned, but I like the classics. I’m looking for the closest thing to what you would consider a “hot wing” or a “buffalo wing”.

The Original Hot wings are visually striking upon initial reveal. They are suuuper red. They’re labeled “Original Hot” instead of “Original Buffalo” so it must just be straight hot sauce on these sticks.

The sauce is oily and the wings are desperately in need of another toss. I’m not going to completely bash Wingstop here since I got these wings delivered to me while I’m in QT in my apartment. The standards for sauce coverage can be difficult to maintain via delivery.

The sauce itself has no distinct flavor though. It’s a generic diluted hot sauce they probably bought from the restaurant depot on Goose Island. They said “eh fuck it” and threw this dumpster-sauce it all over these poor wings and proceeded to send out the papers for the IPO. Even if you were just going for a generic corporate “hot wing” it wouldn’t kill you to have at least little pride in your work IMO.

I’m not going to bring the whole heat aspect into the rating since everybody has their own level of tolerance. But man – “hot” wings you say? Pshh.

The only area in which I’ll give credit to Wingstop is the price. Clocking in at $0.95/wing ain’t too bad. Just the wings are bad. So if you’re looking for some discount wings that don’t taste good but are good for your wallet – then I guess Wingstop is your spot? This is the perfect order for your kid’s Little League summer party. Or for when your in-laws are in town.

At the end of the day there is just no way I can recommend these wings to anyone for any reason really. Just go to McDonald’s or something if you’re pulling off the side of the highway looking for a bite. These wings will leave you disappointed and that’s before the shit storm starts brewing.

Wingstop: just don’t forget. I’m coming for that $WING ticker you’ve got locked down.

Talk to you soon everybody.