The Fifty/50 – Buffalo Wings

Non-Ranking Info:

• Price/Wing: $1.80
• Drum/Flat Ratio: 1:1
• Heat Level: Birdie
• Flavor Type: Buffalo
• Dry Rub or Sauce: Sauce
• Side of River: North Side
• Neighborhood: Wicker Park

Ahh, the Fifty/50. Or the Shfifty/Shfifty as I like to call it. Brings me back to a simpler time.

Fifty/50 is a Wicker Park staple residing on Wicker’s superior drag (hint, it’s not Milwaukee Ave), Division Street.

I have a weird relationship with the Shfifty/Shfifty, I’ll be honest. Back pre-COVID, when I was in the office and ordering Fooda every day, Fifty/50 was something I would fire up every once in a while. I would get the boneless wings because they were the only ones on the menu. Don’t judge me.

They would show up cold in a cardboard box with no paper in it or anything. Kind of sketch tbh, but I can’t judge them based on that.

So I figure it is time to try them out FIRST HAND:

I roll up to the bar and ask for a spot. They have large plastic dividers separating patrons. A cute-ish blonde girl is sitting to my right across the separator. I slowly take off my bike helmet and elegantly swish back my sweaty hair. She’s looking. I can tell. I mean – why wouldn’t she be looking?

I obviously would have pulled out my A-game and begun to mack on her if only these damn COVID dividers weren’t fucking up my game. There’s always somethin’.

Anyway – the bartender comes over, and I order the Goose Island Oktoberfest they have on tap. She did serve it to me in a plastic stadium cup, and, call me a prude if you will, but if I’m drinking a non-domestic, I prefer a glass. But this is a wings review I won’t knock them for that.

When the wings show up, they’re lookin’ good. Like, real good. Elegantly smothered in sauce, steam rising, that buffalo scent that makes you cough like your first hit of a JUUL for the night. Yeah – that’s that shit.

They hooked up the ranch + bleu too. I’ll give them that. But like, damn, I really don’t need that much.

My first bite of a scorching-hot flat I pick up off the plate hits me with a nice tangy kick. I can taste the heat instantly. In that category, Shfifty/Shfifty ain’t messin’ around.

These wings have some quality to them. Their house buffalo wings come breaded, and they’ve figured out a way to make it work. The breading creates a beautifully crisp wing, and as I mentioned, the sauce coverage is lovely.

Where these wings fall painfully flat (no pun intended) is in the sauce. It’s a damn shame because Fifty/50 had everything going for them.

Their buffalo sauce starts out strong. You get the tang; you get the heat. But, like a bottom-shelf wine, it simply has no body. No finish. No crescendo.

I am left dumbfounded. The menu points out that heir buffalo sauce is a concoction of four different sauces. And after trying the wings, it makes sense.

I don’t know what four sauces they combined, but I can tell you that they don’t mix well. There are too many flavors canceling each other out, or something.

I can’t quite describe the flavor of this sauce. I am not disgusted by it by any means, unlike the sauce that tastes like it leaked from the bottom of a dumpster like Lord of the Wings and … There’s just no distinguishable flavor. It’s not sweet. It’s not savory. It’s just sort of …. nothing.

For that reason, I have to knock these wings. I’m giving them an 80%: B-.

But hey, seriously. If 50/Fifty can just figure out their sauce game, these wings could quickly be launched into B+, possibly even A- territory.

But with how disappointing the sauce is, I can’t give them anything higher than that.

These wings are monstrous, though, as advertised. I finish 8 of the 10 I order.

I’ve got wing sauce all over my hands, and I lean back in my chair in a kingly show of gluttonous satisfaction. Cultish-blonde sneaks a peek, I can feel it.

Other factors to consider:

+1: I hear the song Easy Wind playing in the background

-5: I’m stuck watching the Mets game. They must not have Marquee network.

Times are tough.