Lord of the Wings – Traditional Buffalo [QUARANTINE EDITION]

Non-Ranking Info:

• Price/Wing: $1.08 (via UberEats)
• Drum/Flat Ratio: 9:3 (yikes!)
• Heat Level: Double-Bogey
• Flavor Type: Buffalo
• Dry Rub or Sauce: Sauce
• Side of River: N/A (no physical location)
• Neighborhood: N/A (no physical location)

You know those old stories you always hear about how two immigrant brothers open up a restaurant in NYC?

And then what always happens?

There’s a big fight and one of the brothers goes out and opens up his own competing restaurant selling the same exact thing right across the street. And both restaurants are always able to stay in business because they are operating off some ancient family recipe and can table some of the best food you’ve ever eaten. A tale as old as time.

That’s what I feel like is happening here between Lord of the Wings and Just Wing It. Eerily similar. Both delivery-only businesses with the word “Wing” in the name. It’s got all the makings of a good brother vs. brother restaurant competition. Only difference is that both of these places’ wings are basically shit.

Again – as with Just Wing It – what is going on with the sauce? I am a complete idiot when it comes to cooking anything, and I can promise you I stir up a buffalo sauce 100x better than this. The most basic variation of it is literally two ingredients: Frank’s Red Hot, and butter. How do you fuck up a buffalo sauce this badly?

The actual wings had no crisp. Just mush skin. Does part of this have to do with the fact they’re not fresh out of the fryer? Yes probably. But let me remind you that this place is delivery-only in the first place, COVID circumstances aside.

Horrible drum/flat ratio: 9:3

Listen I’m no data scientist here, but I do know a little bit about thought leadership, AI, machine learning, business synergies, dark web cryptocurrencies, and the 80-20 rule. So let me tell ya: a 9:3 ratio, that’s not one you see everyday. Not saying it’s impossible. BUT. BUT. BUT… Seems like some shenanigans were going on in the kitchen. And I don’t like that shit one bit.

The only area I’ll give credit: The bleu cheese was on point. This is what you want in a bleu cheese. You want it chunky n’ funky. Really the only thing in life you ever want that way tbh. It’s not supposed to be a liquid. But I still had to pay for it which I didn’t like. That’s like ordering a coffee and being charged for the sugar and cream. It’s just not a good look.

I’ve officially had enough of these “delivery-only” bullshit popup wing places on the delivery apps. About time to hang it up and see what tomorrow brings with some post-Quarantine reviews.

It’s a damn disgrace to the wing game.

I am giving these wings the grade: F.

That’s the first F I have had to hand out so far. But that’s part of the job. Someone’s gotta make the tough decisions around here.

See ya in summer school!